I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
