i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
