i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
