I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
