I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There r osticjed everywhere
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
