"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
