Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
