Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
