Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
