I'm laying in your front yard are you home
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
