The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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