Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
