Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
