You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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