She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
