I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
