his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
