so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
