so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Operation Purity has been aborted
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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