so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize