girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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