Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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