You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
