Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
