his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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