Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
