these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
