i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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