I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
