You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
