oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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