Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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