I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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