Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
