After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh god the rape fog is back!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
