I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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