I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
