I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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