Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
