let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
