the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I died a long time ago.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
