I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
