I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
