Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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