Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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