I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
