She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
