Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
