Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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