Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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