I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
